So there I was, in my mid twenties, laying in my bed at 11 am in a cold dark room wrapped up like a burrito in a pile of covers. The sun was peaking through the cracks in the tattered sheets I draped over my windows. I hadn't showered in a couple days, my hair had seemingly become a nest for little creatures. No eating, no sleeping, I was just drinking and crying. My nightstand was covered with gnarly tissues and my face only a swollen distorted resemblance of my former self.
My boyfriend broke up with me. We've all been there: Mourning the loss of our best friend. I'm not sure if you can even put to words the pain I felt at that time. Like my heart was ripped from my chest and the open cavity couldn't be closed. Chest was exposed, no heart, just torn up flesh dripping blood all over the floor. My soulmate, My love. I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere until we had met, and It was over. It was around day 5 of this lonesome interlude that my roommate at the time (my brother) forced himself into my bedroom, switched on all the lights, snatched me out of bed and stood me up. "NOW THAT'S ENOUGH OF THIS!" I think he was actually spitting in my face by now. "ALI! You are healthy, inside and out, you are full of life and you will live to be 100. LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES!"
Sometimes all it takes is a face smack to pull us out of our MISERY. (Unfortunately it took a few more of those for me.) There I was, mid twenties - absolutely the best shape of my life, hard-body, tight skin, great hair, FULL OF LIIFE and I was pissing it all away wrapped up in a damn snuggie. I wasted at least two more years being miserable over that break-up. But I don't want any of you to do the same.
my guide for a LESS MISERABLE break-up.
1. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN (NO SOCIAL MEDIA)
This is the absolutely most important! If someone broke up with you, it's time to break contact. Stop looking at what your ex is doing on social media, and STOP checking to see if he/she called or text. I can honestly say, every time you check your phone you decrease your chances at happiness. I would suggest a 21 day detox from social media post break-up. This can literally change your life and direction.
TAKE OFF YOUR FAT PANTS
Fat pants will kill your mojo. The longer you wear them, the worse you will feel about yourself. Break-Ups are the big rejection leaving you feeling vulnerable and insecure. Nobody feels like waking up and getting dolled up after a break-up, but just getting yourself ready for the day can boost your self esteem. Get your ass directly to the gym pronto! Sweat out those demons and release the endorphins you need to bring back your smile.
INSULATE NOT ISOLATE
Do you feel like being alone? Don't want to be around happy couples or people enjoy life because you're miserable? Now is the time to fight the urges of hiding in your bunker and forcing yourself around people who care about you. Isolation leads to you creating very strange ideas and scenarios in your head. Get back to your tribe. If you don't have one, than just sit with a friend from work for coffee. Do NOT let yourself fall in a hole. You've got too much life to live.
FILL UP ON POSITIVE VIBES
Stop listening to "your song". Stop watching videos and staring at photos of the two of you walking on the beach. Fill up on positivity. What songs make your heart burst with happiness? What books can you read that will make you feel peace? If you meditate, do so. Go to yoga, go to church, hit the gym. Absolutely refuse negative places, people, or media. FIND PEACE by surrounding yourself with things that make you feel lighter. Start creating. A great way to feel alive again is to start creating.
PAY IT FORWARD
THE VERY BEST way to enjoy life again is to stop wallering in your personal misery and to start doing things for others. GIVE BACK. After my break-up, I found an enormous amount of personal enjoyment making gifts for others. It doesn't have to be gift - give people your time and energy, show empathy to a person who needs it. Buy a stranger coffee. Pray for someone you hate. Go out of your way to introduce yourself to someone who looks lonely. Simple acts of kindness can change the way you feel about others and yourself.
They say time heals all wounds, but I believe its time, and THESE FIVE THINGS that heal all wounds. You're going to have to let go, you're going to have to forgive to move forward. Pull your head out of your ass. Throw away your tissues, and for God's sake take a damn shower! You are an incredible gift to the world. There is NO - OTHER you! Remember you value and worth. I AM TELLING YOU.... THIS IS NOT THE END OF YOUR STORY. THE BEST IS YET TO COME. DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MOMENT! Live life! Let your happiness be infectious. DON'T BE A MISERABLE COW.