SO you’re feeling a little butt hurt?

We’ve all been there. Your boyfriend (spouse/partner best friend/ mom/dad/cat) are being rude. They think they’re teasing you in jest, but it seems like they are always belittling in front of your friends. It could be your perception, but if you have to hear your boyfriend tell ONE more exaggerated story about how you snore, wake up angry, or can't understand directions… You’re going to slip something extra in his dinner… and yes, I mean dog food.

You’re thinking to yourself “Why does he always do this to me? He doesn’t respect me, he wants to make me look stupid."

You’re BUTTHURT. And rightfully so, everyone is getting a kick out of his jokes at your expense. But is there any other way to look at this situation?

  • Maybe, your boyfriend thinks you are cute when you’re angry in the morning.
  • Maybe he doesn’t know that it bothers you when he tells people you snore?
  • Maybe he feels a little awkward or left out around your friends and he’s just trying to tease you so that he can connect with them and he has no idea that it makes you feel so stupid?

Do you love your boyfriend? Are there amazing things about him? What about things have actually changed after a night like this? 

YOU’RE BUTT HURT. And now YOU are the only person NOT enjoying your night. You’ll spend the rest of the evening just mulling over all the things that you hate about your boyfriend. His annoying laugh, his improper use of the word “their” and his stupid – stupid man purse.

After dinner, Jack (we’ll call him that), who is completely oblivious to the track you were playing on repeat throughout your meal, leans in to give you a kiss on the ride home. It is in THIS moment JACK REALIZES HE HAS FUCKED UP. The cold war has begun. Freezing cold temperatures... It is amazing that your nipples are tearing through your shirt. Jack makes an effort to reach out to you, maybe he even apologizes… But for you it’s too late.

Your seemingly WELL earned emotional punishment will keep you from an evening of orgasms, snuggles and well, maybe even something special he wanted to tell you.

But what if it doesn’t have to? We are only human. Relationships with ANYONE can be tough and having your feelings hurt is inevitable. But it’s the dwelling, the simmering, the pouting, and the grudge holding that will make you BUTT HURT and ultimately leave you ONE MISERABLE COW.


1.     Communicate Expectations

 In almost EVERY relationship, personal, professional, or intimate you can win or lose by communicating what it is that is important to you from the beginning. If your boyfriend doesn’t understand how sensitive you are to certain types of teasing – communicate that frustration. If something else is important to you – YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE IT! You can’t be upset with someone for not meeting your expectations when you have never even told them WHAT they are. If you put unrealistic expectations on your partner… YOU WILL BE BUTT HURT A LOT - LIKE ALL THE TIME.


 If you think you have your partner ALL figured out… If you assume to know or understand WHY someone is doing something you are judging their motives. You are no longer being a safe person, you are taking away their ability to express their thoughts and feelings. There are a million reasons why a friend may not have called you back, or didn’t wave at you in the neighborhood… Maybe they didn’t see you, maybe they were distracted because they recently lost a loved one. Maybe you were so pre-occupied and offended that you didn’t even think to check in on them and as kTHEM if everything was ok in their world. Typically, we are guilty of the very negative things we find in others. You can easily fall right off of your high horse. ASSUMPTIONS MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASS.

3.     LET IT GO

This is a really big one. I usually have the hardest time with this one. Because,

  • What if you DID communicate your expectations.
  • What if you DID ask them what they meant by what they said…
  • What IF… They really did JUST do something to hurt you.

BUT what if they are sorry? What if they want to make it up to you but you are so angry that you refuse to let it go? I’ll let you know WHAT if WHAT if happens… If you refuse to let it go, you will miss out!

You will miss out on all of the make-up sex. You will miss out on the snuggles and you will miss out on life!

EVERY single time I have chosen to  be BUTT hurt, I have missed out on a great night. I watch my friends enjoy there amazing dinners, laugh and talk and I just think to myself. Why can’t I let this go. The answer is simple. Because I can’t get over myself, I can’t get over feeling mistreated. Forgiving others, and letting go isn’t for them. It’s for you! So you can enjoy all the GOOD STUFF. Humble yourself. Everybody gets hurt and mistreated sometimes.

You wanna know how NOT to be a Miserable Cow? Next time you feel your butt start hurting… dust it off and get back in the game!