"I'm NEVER Getting Married Again!"

in

I got married for the first time at 19, mostly because I wanted to have my entire life mapped out before I started living it. Seems strange right, I am a free-spirit, artistic, gypsy right? Well the truth is, as much as I love to travel, enjoy life, and wear bright orange.... I also really enjoy control. I enjoy feeling like I am IN-CHARGE of the direction the wind blows me. Welp, lesson learned. We are NEVER in charge. God, the Universe, LIFE - whatever you wanna call it, lets us make choices; but knows that other individuals make bad ones too that effect us, and things just HAPPEN that will ALWAYS be outside of our control. Just like a public shitter.

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Active Road to Recovery

in

The first few years I spent learning to live life sober. Even driving was a task. Being intimate with a women was almost like I was a virgin again because I hadn’t done it sober very often in my life. Emotions were brand new. I didn’t like feeling sad or angry or anxious. Any time I felt that before I drank to feel happy only. I went to AA to ask for answers on how to deal with emotions that weren’t happy because I just didn’t understand that it could be done successfully. I didn’t understand that you could navigate and control negative thoughts and emotions. I also didn’t understand that I wasn’t the only one in the world that had problems. I thought I was special.

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PROs and CONS For Getting Older

in ,

Yes, life has changed sooo much. Careers, Kids, Hormones.... EVERYTHING has changed you.  Seems as if every bit of youthful luster you seem to lose, your male partner seems to gain in overall smolder. Men age much sexier than women but there are some POSITIVES to consider that may just OUTWEIGH your cons.

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Miserable? - Get Off Your Ass

in ,

I remember wishing everyday that my life would fast forward. That each day would pass faster because I was so miserable. I felt so empty without my stepsons. It was a huge transition to part ways after never being without them more than a day in 6 years. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I struggled the worst around holidays. I just wanted them to be over. I hated everything about them.  I always felt like the universe treated me unfairly. Like I had been given a bad hand. Life was hard and unfair and nothing I had worked for had panned out.

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Through the Fire

in

There are many very important lessons that we learn through the hardest times in our lives. That is IF we actually decide to walk through the fire. It will always be easier to numb the pain. In fact I spent a good portion of my life "numbing the pain" But if we choose to let ourselves grieve, deepen our perspective, and burn, really burn in the darkest hours of our lives, we will come out stronger than before.

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